Miami Connection:
A Review from a JewPino
By
Eric
Urmanita
*WARNING: THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS*
When you think of movies that are so bad
they are considered exquisite and instant classics, you might think of titles
such as Plan 9 from Outer Space, Troll 2,
Road House, The Wicker Man, and that timeless classic, The Room. Even The Rocky
Horror Picture Show has been added on that list, but I don’t think it
belongs on that list. There are plenty others out there trust me, but these are
the more popular ones.
So what makes a quote-on-quote “good-bad
movie?” Well, the main key factors are usually the poorly written screenplay,
less-than stellar acting, editing that looks like a toddler was in charge, and
F-Grade directing. There are other factors like behind the scene drama (i.e.
production drama, budget concerns), but those previously mentioned are the ones
that stand out the most. But what makes these movies so great is that they are
just pure gold entertainment. You are bedazzled (or horrified) by what you are
witnessing on the screen…and yet you just can’t look away at the crime in
progress. And of course, you are probably thinking, “How in the blazing hell
did this get made?”
So, why am I talking about good-bad
movies? Well, I recently came across one such movie that is so bizarre and so
ridiculous…that I have fallen madly in love with it. And every time I watch it,
it just keeps getting better and better.
If you are wondering what this movie is,
then I must ask you: didn’t you read the title of this review?
But yeah, I am talking about Miami Connection, an independent martial
arts movie released in 1988 and rediscovered in 2012, becoming a cult-classic
upon its reemergence.
Before we actually get into this review,
let’s talk a little backstory, shall we?
Miami
Connection was (or
rather is) the passion project of Y.K. Kim, a South-Korean native and taekwondo
grandmaster who moved to Orlando, Florida in 1978 and opened a popular chain of
taekwondo schools. While on a South-Korean talk show, he met Woo-sang Park
(Richard Park as he is known in the U.S.), a Korean film director of several
low-budget martial arts movies. From their following conversation, they decided
to team up and produce a movie together. Originally, it was to star Y.K. Kim
opposite another actor as taekwondo brothers in a movie called TaeKwon-Do. When plans for that movie
fell apart, Kim and Park started brainstorming another movie, which would
eventually become Miami Connection.
Most of the actors in the movie were all
students of Y.K. Kim, which explains why everyone in this movie knows martial
arts to some degree. Apparently, Y.K. Kim was very popular around Orlando, and
that allowed for him to shoot scenes in empty streets of Orlando, where the
film was shot (ironic because of the movie’s title, right?). I won’t go into
greater details, but like most independent filmmakers, Y.K. Kim took out loans
from everywhere to make the film happen. After initial production wrapped, Kim
wanted to do some more additional scenes but Woo-sang Park had returned to
Korea at that point. Luckily, one of the film’s main actors, Joseph Diamond,
had read a book on screenwriting, and wrote said additional scenes that were
shot.
Miami
Connection was almost
never distributed because every major film studio Y.K. Kim brought it to
outright rejected the film, calling it trash and garbage and all that good
stuff. Eventually, Manson International purchased the distribution rights and
released the film in 1988, where it was shown for a mere two weeks before it
vanished from existence. Nearly three decades later, Drafthouse Films, a film
distribution company based in Austin, Texas, bought a print of the film on eBay
for $50, restored it, and re-released it in 2012. Prior to its re-release, Y.K.
Kim refused to have it redistributed due to his past experience with Hollywood,
but was surprised by the newfound positive reception, and agreed to let the
film be seen again.
And the rest from there is history.
So, now that we have that out of the way,
let’s dive into the meat of it all. Now I am not going to go into great detail
of the movie, as I want to focus on what you could consider the “main story
plot points”, followed by own analysis. I say that because there are plenty of
scenes that are really just there to pass time and really do not add to the
“plot”, or lack thereof.
Oh, by the way, I know I said this
earlier, but there are going to be spoilers. So if you don’t want to read the
next few paragraphs, skip them and head to the analysis.
*SPOILERS START
HERE*
The main gist of the movie is simply
this: biker ninjas from Miami seek to spread their cocaine business to Orlando.
So what’s the only thing standing in their way? A synth-rock band of taekwondo
black belts known as Dragon Sound.
I cannot make that up even if I tried.
Of course, the biker ninjas are not the
only enemies Dragon Sound has to face. A gang led by a Chuck Norris wannabe
named Jeff wants to take them out because the band’s bassist, John, is in a
relationship with Jane, Jeff’s sister. And Jeff is a certified overprotective
jerk.
To make matters worse, a rival band also
seeks revenge against Dragon Sound because they replaced them as the new house
band at a local nightclub. In a scene that I am pretty sure would cause the
cops to come running in without hesitation, the rival band and a bunch of hired
goons ambush Dragon Sound in an empty street of Orlando, only to be soundly
beaten the crap out of by Dragon Sound. This causes the rival band to join up
with Jeff’s gang, under the pretenses that any money the rival band makes is
Jeff’s.
Okay, really? So, you want to join forces
with a gang to take out martial arts musicians, and you have to pay them off
for membership?
…Okay then.
Eventually, the feud between Dragon Sound
and Jeff’s gang comes to a head when Jeff has the band’s vocalist and main
guitarist Tom kidnapped, forcing the rest of Dragon Sound to rescue him. The
resulting altercation results in Jeff falling to his death, screaming one of
the most boring and monotone “falling to their deaths” screams I’ve ever heard
on film. But it makes me laugh my ass off every time I watch it…I am one sick
bastard.
The major subplot centers on band member
Jim, who reveals to the band that he is not an orphan like the others are, but
in fact has a father out there he is searching for. Towards the film’s climax,
Jim receives a letter saying that his father has been located and is flying out
to Orlando to meet him. The moment when he gets this news is priceless. After
telling the others that he has found his father, Jim says one of the greatest
and funniest “Oh My God” lines I’ve ever heard. I swear to God it’s like he’s
squealing like a schoolgirl.
Meanwhile, news of Jeff’s death has
reached the biker ninjas, greatly upsetting the ninja’s leader, Yashito. He
vows vengeance on Dragon Sound and declares, “They will not escape the Miami
Ninja!” The Miami Ninja, huh? Well, I’ve heard worse ninja clan names from
other bad martial arts movies. Thank you, Cannon Films.
Anyways, the Miami Ninja ambush the band
on their way to meet Jim’s father. In the resulting fight, Jim gets mortally
wounded.
And here is where the movie takes an
unexpected “what the ****” turn. To quote Taylor Swift: “Now
we got problems. And I don't think we can solve them. You made a really deep
cut.
And baby now we got bad blood!”
And baby now we got bad blood!”
Almost
immediately, Dragon Sound goes absolute bat-**** crazy and out for blood,
slashing down ninjas left and right. One of the wounded ninja makes their way
back to Yashito reporting that all their fellow comrades are dead. Yashito, in
classic evil ninja fashion, rewards the ninja’s loyalty by promptly beheading
him before uttering an evil laugh. Yashito then confronts Mark (played Y.K.
Kim), the main character of the film and Dragon Sound’s most skilled martial
artist in a sword/fist fight. This obviously being a classic good versus evil
scenario, Mark of course wins and kills Yashito with his own kunai knife.
Jim
is rushed to the hospital and of course lives, his father present to hear the
good news and promises to never abandon his son again. The film ends with
Dragon Sound walking towards the camera before ending with this title card:
“Only through the elimination of violence can we achieve world peace.”
So,
violence IS the ultimate answer? Huh, go figure. Did I mention that Y.K. Kim is
also a motivational speaker?
*SPOILERS END HERE*
Okay…so where do I start with this one?
First off, I am a fan of martial arts
movies. I blame this love on either Power Rangers or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
I’m surprised I haven’t even taken up martial arts yet for that matter either.
I want to, though, but I digress. I have seen my fair share of good martial
arts movies and bad martial arts movies. My all-time favorite is still Bruce
Lee’s masterpiece Enter The Dragon,
which is widely considered to be the greatest of all the martial arts movies.
Miami
Connection, on the other
hand…wow.
Let me clarify one thing: I love this
movie. That being said…boy, do we have a movie to look at.
This is, after all, a bad movie. No
questions asked. So let’s discuss the basics.
The plot, though obviously not very well
written, was definitely present. Whereas The
Room had the main plot point of a malevolent cheating fiancée with added
subplots that went ABSOLUTELY nowhere, Miami
Connection sticks with, for the most part, the main two plot points of
Dragon Sound’s fight against the Miami Ninja and Jeff’s gang and Jim’s search
for his father. However, in exchange for unnecessary subplots, we get scenes
that go ABSOLUTELY nowhere and serve no further advancement to the plot. Key
standpoint: Dragon Sound has EXACTLY a 33-second scene of them eating at Mark’s
Uncle’s restaurant before switching gears to them performing at the nightclub.
What does this scene meant to be? Maybe to just introduce the fact that Mark
has an uncle (who happens to be played by co-director Woo-sang Park), but
that’s pretty much it. It’s a scene that you can consider, “Entirely
Pointless.” Other pointless scenes include Yashito and Jeff hanging out with a
bunch of biker gangs, probably to show that they’re tough guys as the song
playing in the background is called “Tough Guys”; several shots of Dragon Sound
studying (oh yeah, I forgot to mention they’re still in college); and a single
wide shot scene of them eating breakfast and feeding each other while they’re
all shirtless (oh yeah, lots of shirtless guys in this movie too).
There’s also scenes that do somewhat
advance the plot, but have some of the most ridiculous moments. One of the more
popular scenes is when Mark, John, and Jack (Dragon Sound’s drummer) practice
taekwondo. I guess the point of this is to demonstrate that Mark is the main
ass-kicker of the group (though John is the close second), but he further
proves it by stopping a sparring punch in Jack’s mouth and lifts up John by
pinching his nose WITH HIS TOES. Oh, and at one point, Mark also sticks his
bare foot in Jim’s face. Foot fetish?
Let’s talk about acting. It’s nothing
special really, but boy, the people in this movie try. Not to further bash The Room (believe me, I love that movie
too), but the acting in Miami Connection is
much better. It is pretty cheesy and campy in my opinion, but it works. Jim’s
actor, Maurice Smith, is the one that really tries to convey drama and emotion
in this movie. When he tells the band the truth about him not being an orphan,
you can definitely tell he is giving it his all to this emotional scene and
giving a very tearful monologue. But again, it’s one of those moments in the
movie that you cannot help but burst out laughing due to word choice. I know I
did, and am probably going to Hell for doing so.
Y.K. Kim is…exactly what you’d expect
from someone who’s never worked on a movie before. Clearly he had never acted
or produced/co-directed up to this point, but he tries. Is he successful? A
little. But I find it odd that I can understand him better than Tommy Wiseau
when Tommy Wiseau is not dubbing over his own lines. And while we get to see
the focus switch to each band member at one point or another in the movie, I
would have liked to see more focus on Mark. After all, he is supposed to be the
main character of the band and the movie. Just a thought. His directing was not
bad, but it could have been a whole lot better. I know that this was his first
(and only) film, but you’d think that Y.K. Kim would have at least studied a
little bit more on directing. Then again, his co-director Woo-sang Park was
also calling the shots and he had directed some crappy martial arts movies, so
it’s not entirely all Kim’s fault. There is one thing I think that Kim did that
I think was a smart choice. Originally, Jim was supposed to die in the film’s
original ending, but test audiences found that ending too depressing, and thus
Kim and Joseph Diamond worked on the alternate and true ending. Having seen the
dark ending for myself, I think Kim made the right call.
There are some odd editing choices in
this movie. The one that stands out for me is the first meeting between Dragon
Sound and Jeff’s gang. Right after that, we cut to this 5-second wide panning
shot of the band driving away. Where the heck was the transition between
scenes? Also, Mark’s uncle confronts some disgruntled customers that refused to
pay. One moment, he goes taekwondo on their butts, and then the scene immediately
switch to the band pulling up, getting out and checking if the uncle is okay.
What in the flying **** happened to the disgruntled customers? Did they leave
limping? Were they still lying on the ground hurting on the thrashing they just
got? WHAT THE **** HAPPENED?!?!?!!?! One of my favorite edits is when John and
Jane kiss, and then we switch to Jim just smiling and nodding in approval…Yeah,
that’s not awkward at all. Also, there are times when they decide to slow down
parts of the fights for “dramatic effect” I suppose. But I have to admit: those
moments make me laugh.
I want to focus now on the music, as it’s
one of the movie’s highlights. The music is cheesy and catchy, and perfectly
embodies the music of the ‘80s. Angelo Janotti and Kathie Collier, who played
Tom and Jane respectively, are actual musicians that wrote and recorded the
songs Dragon Sound performs in the movie, “Friends Forever” and “Against The
Ninja”. These songs are positive uplifting, but maybe a little too positive.
But who cares? I’m a sucker for such music! Additional songs were written by
the Lloyds Richards Band and be heard throughout the movie. There is an
official soundtrack of sorts, but it can only be purchased via Drafthouse
Films’ website when you purchase a DVD or digital copy of the film. Oh, and on
a side note, “Friends Forever” is one of the songs used in the video game Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon, as the entire
game is a nod to ‘80s culture.
And finally, the one thing to always
discuss when talking about martial arts movies: the fight scenes.
I’m going to be honest: I don’t think
they’re that bad. Yes, of course, they’re nowhere near the fight choreography
you see in movies like The Matrix or
any Donnie Yen movie for that matter, but it’s not horrible either. It’s
somewhere in between. Y.K. Kim clearly put thought into these fights, and it
clearly shows. Although in the fight between Dragon Sound and the rival band,
there are times where you can tell that the opponents are pausing ahead of
getting “hit”. But this is minor at best.
Ultimately, what I think makes movies
like The Room and Plan 9 from Outer Space work as good-bad
movies is that you can tell there is passion put into them. Unlike filmmakers
such as Uwe Boll and…well, just Uwe Boll (yes, even Michael Bay has somewhat of
a passion towards his movies), they really care about what they’re making and
actually care about the effort put towards the film. Sure, Ed Wood maybe did
not put in too much, but he truly was into the business of what he loved the
most: making movies. While Y.K. Kim only made this one film, he truly cared
about the making of Miami Connection.
Like I stated earlier, he took out loans from everywhere to make this movie,
and I could really see it in this. Sure, it’s nowhere near perfect, but hot
dang is this movie a classic. And he was extremely surprised to know that
nearly three decades after Hollywood basically back-slapped him, Drafthouse
Films took the film and made it an instant cult classic with its newfound
success. What also makes Miami Connection
work is that it somehow knows that it’s not a masterpiece and that it’s not
meant to be taken seriously. But Gosh Darn it, it knows how to be entertaining.
So yeah, Miami Connection is indeed a bad movie. But’s so awesomely
bad. It truly is one of those movies
that has to be seeen to believe. I cannot recommend this movie enough for anyone,
movie buff or not. You will be in for a treat. Besides, it’s biker ninjas
versus a synth-rock band full of taekwondo black belts. Who doesn’t love that
ridiculous yet brilliant concept? It is so totally ‘80s right there.
Sources
League
of Super Critics. “Miami Connection – Cinema Snob.” Online video clip. YouTube.
YouTube, 24 Mar 2015. Web. 21 July 2015.
Masochist,
Cine. “The Cine-Masochist: MIAMI CONNECTION.” Online video clip. YouTube.
YouTube, 28 May 2015. Web. 21 July 2015.
“Miami
Connection.” Wikipedia: The Free
Encyclopedia. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc., 18 July
2015. Web. 21 July 2015.
